I live a life without major mistakes

“I’ll make sure they’ll remember my name a hundred years from now.”

This is one of the striking lines of my favorite song Win by Brian McKnight. I first heard this when I was in third year college and I was joining many beauty pageants in Bicol. The song served as my inspiration because I lost a lot of times that I already forgot how it felt to win. I would listen to the song over and over again to erase the pain of losing. I never expected that after three years I would be living up to the lyrics of the song. It describes my whole experience as a Miss Universe contestant and my finish as fourth runner-up.

“Never say die, I’ve been down this road before”

I brought all of my good and bad experiences to Las Vegas when I competed for the Miss Universe crown. I knew the Filipino people expected a lot from me and I did not want to disappoint them. I went to the US determined to win and bring honor to our country. I really wanted to do it because it had been my dream ever since. All the pressure during the competition meant nothing to me because I went through tougher situations even before I became a Miss Universe contestant. It was not an accident why I was chosen to represent the Philippines. All experiences were well-crafted by God to bring me to where He plans me to go. I saw the coronation night as the culmination of everything I had to go through in life. I knew it will not be hard for me anymore because I surpassed greater battles in life.

“Never let a ray of doubt slip in.”

When I met the other contestants, I had this feeling that they had bigger chances of winning maybe because they were equally beautiful and some of them were really taller and thinner than me. But that did not stop me from aiming high. We all went there prepared. I was there to represent my country and I should not get intimidated by the other girls. We had different personalities and each of us was unique in our own way.

“Never lose hope, Never lose faith, There’s much too much at stake”

I enjoyed every experience I had in the pageant. It was my first time to travel to a foreign country and join an international pageant. I saw many beautiful places like Hollywood, the Golden Gate Bridge and the Alcatraz Prison. The Filipino people also showed their unending support from my arrival until the coronation night. I saw how they believed in me. They were present during the preliminaries where they rocked the whole Mandalay Bay with their noise to show their support. I wanted to make them all proud. Winning the crown would not only mean a lot to me but to them as well. I had to win for my country and for the Filipinos.

A few days before coronation night, two of the people closest to my heart died in a car accident in Bicol. It was very unexpected. I felt so sad when my friend told me the news. Melody Gersbach and Kuya Alden were the reasons why I joined Binibining Pilipinas. They pushed me to fulfill my dream to become a true beauty queen. It was not easy for me to handle my loss but I knew I had to do it for them. I would make them really happy if I brought home the crown.

“Won’t stop me now, There’s still a way to go, Some way somehow, Whatever it takes I know.”

A day before coronation night, the news of the hostage crisis in the Philippines was all over the Internet. I was saddened by the death of many Chinese tourists. I was more determined to fight for the crown to somehow erase the bad image of our country. I had to bring good news to the Philippines after that tragedy. During coronation night, I was really excited to perform and make the Filipinos proud. I felt like there was a glowing light coming from me which radiated my personality and my dreams. I believed the judges saw that in me so I made it to the Top 15, Top 10 and Top 5. I also felt God was walking and smiling with me onstage. I knew He was holding my hand for the duration of the pageant.

“I’ll make sure they’ll remember my name a hundred years from now.”

When I answered the final question, I was confident my answer was the best response I could give. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, from the time I was aware of my existence until this very day. But I do not consider a mistake big or small. They are all mistakes. They may differ in intensity but they are all wrong actions, judgment or opinion. I envision my mistakes as challenges to make me a better person. In life, we all have to be optimistic. God gave us the chance to live and we should not waste it dwelling on what we have done wrong. Life is beautiful. We have to enjoy it and live with no regrets.

Given the chance to answer the question again, I will not change my answer. Many people may have rendered bad judgment on me because of the way I answered my question but I am not afraid to face them all and tell them I was proud of what I said. I never regretted giving that kind of answer on pageant night. I knew I did not fail myself and I did not fail the Filipino people. It saddens me to know there are Filipinos who say I am a major disappointment to the Philippines. But I believe there are more Filipinos who are very happy with what I have achieved. Their smiles when they shake my hand and congratulate me are overwhelming. I may not have won the most coveted Miss Universe crown but I am sure I have won the hearts of millions of Filipinos all over the world. I will be forever thankful for the support they have given me.

God gave me more than what I could wish for. He gave me the chance to fulfill my dream of competing in an international pageant but most importantly He showed me the way to live a better life with no regrets. He taught me to fight the hardest battles in life. Now, He is giving me the opportunity to spread my wings and explore other possibilities. There are still a lot of things I need to fulfill in my life and my story will continue even after the Miss Universe pageant. I know it will be more meaningful and rewarding because it’s not only me who knows I live a life without major mistakes.

“Those who persist in the pursuit of their dreams, no matter what the hurdles, are winners in life, for they have won over their weaknesses.” — Daisaku Ikeda

Featured Article: I live a life without major mistakes originally appeared on The Philippine Star on Sept 26 2010.